Book Review
ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE
by Hilary Flower
Softcover, 360 pages
Available from LLLI
No. 1717-12, $14.95
reviewed by Edith O'Nuallain
Greystones Co Wicklow Ireland
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 23 No. 1, January-February 2006, p. 28
Until now, many parenting books available to LLL members have been written by authors with little or no
connection to LLL, although they may have shared the philosophy of loving guidance. This LLLI-published book offers
its own spin on a much written about and discussed topic. ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE is written by an LLL
parent for other parents. In fact, much of it has been written by a large group of parents since the text is
regularly punctuated with real-life stories and experiences.
The book is divided into four parts. Part One examines and defines gentle discipline, concluding that it is more
of a philosophy and belief system than a set of rules. Gentle guidance is parenting with compassion, empathy, and
respect. Parents who choose this route learn to parent in a manner that is unique to themselves and their families.
With compassion at the heart of their parenting practices, parents remain in tune with their own personal values
and are motivated by an abiding love for their children. They look to gently guide their child's behavior while
respecting the child's feelings and capabilities, temperament, and developmental level. This is not a one size fits
all approach; discipline needs to be tailored to each child.
For any discipline to be effective, a child's basic needs must first be met. A hungry, tired, or over-stimulated
child is hardly in a position to learn from any form of guidance at all. Flower writes:
A great deal of
gentle discipline involves setting your child up for success...Most people don't think of food, love, sleep, and
the like when they think of discipline....But if it isn't there and solid, you're literally
unsupported.
Wise parents are aware of their child's limitations and try to prevent or manage them as much as possible.
Once physical and emotional needs are satisfied, the real work begins. Gentle discipline is not necessarily
about ending irritating behavior right now, though it is always pleasant when it works this way. Rather, the goals
sought are long-term, such as helping our children develop their own inner discipline, along with qualities like
empathy and respect for others. Since parenting is a long-term project and not just about seeking strategies for
immediate conflict resolution, it is important to examine our own beliefs, dreams, and ideals.
In Part Two, Flower examines gentle discipline from a parent's perspective, including what triggers our anger
and impatience, and how we can learn to overcome these knee-jerk reactions. Furthermore, since our children always
give us a second (and third and fourth) chance, we can learn from our mistakes and gently discipline ourselves in
the process. One mother writes about responding to a difficult situation by asking herself, "What would a good
mother do now?" and then she strives to do just that. Gentle discipline is not about having all the answers,
all the time.
Part Three looks closely at 10 common problems in daily parenting and brainstorms ways of using a gentle
discipline approach. We get ideas and pointers from mothers who are dealing with the daily challenges of whining,
temper tantrums, bedtime, or car seat battles. This could very well be the section of the book that most parents
will turn to first -- just remember to return to Part One for the overall context of gentle discipline.
Finally, Part Four is the reassuring section of the book -- the part to read last thing at night after reviewing
the ups and downs of the day with little ones. This section offers a wonderful variety of personal essays from
real-life mothers who give gentle discipline their best, even when they seem to spend a lot of time making
mistakes.
When it comes to gentle discipline, there is no such thing as success or failure; there is only a connection
with our children from a base of compassion and love. Sometimes we feel and show this love more clearly than
others. This book teaches and encourages us to parent from the deep love we feel for our children, as we learn to
parent with gentle discipline.
Last updated Wednesday, October 25, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:32 UTC 2007.
