Book Review
Common Sense Parenting
of Toddlers and Preschoolers
by Bridget A. Barnes and Steven M. York
Boys Town Press, 2001
Reviewed by Diana West
Gaithersburg MD USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 20 No. 2, March-April 2003, p. 62
Common Sense Parenting
of Toddlers and Preschoolers is a fresh new book about parenting
that presents a balanced approach of nurturing and disciplining young
children. Boys Town Press, the publisher of the book, is a nonprofit,
nonsectarian organization that has cared for thousands of abused, abandoned,
and neglected girls and boys each year since 1917. The parenting philosophies
presented in this book were developed by the organization as it learned
the most effective ways to provide a safe, caring, and loving environment
for children as they heal from trauma, gain confidence, and learn skills
to become productive citizens.
This book describes parenting
techniques in a way that is persuasive, logical, and easy to read, particularly
in short chunks. It recommends specific actions that teach parents excellent,
effective parenting tools. The principles behind these techniques are
largely based upon the revolutionary teachings of Dr. Haim Ginott (1922-1973).
Unlike many popular parenting
books that advocate methods of controlling children, Common Sense
Parenting of Toddlers and Preschoolers stresses teaching in place
of punishment so that children learn self-control. This approach, known
in La Leche League as "loving guidance," results in children
who act from an intrinsic understanding of correct behavior, rather
than merely from fear of being caught.
In conjunction with its teaching, the Boys Town Press philosophy also
places great value upon parenting with empathy:
Being a parent with
empathy means resisting the urge to just do things the way they've
always been done. We have to go a step further, and try, as much as
possible, to see the world as our children see it and feel the world
as they feel it. Only then can we begin to help them make sense of
the world, which is our responsibility as parents....Use empathy and
look at the situation from your child's perspective. Think about your
expectations for your child and whether he or she is able to meet
them. What does your child need to know to more successfully handle
the situation? In short, stop, think, and then teach.
A primary advantage of this
book is that it is directed specifically toward developing respectful
parenting skills for young children, helping parents set reasonable
expectations based upon their children's ages and developmental levels.
It also addresses the ways to help children who may not be developmentally
ready for the usual approach. This book also specifically explains why
authoritarian, corporal discipline is harmful, which is an explanation
missing from many other parenting books.
The most powerful message
in the book is the tremendous value of spending time with one's children:
Remember...all of our
skills rely on one crucial element of parenting. That element is spending
time with your children. You can teach them only if you're with them.
It's as simple as that. You can enjoy the richness of family only
if you spend time together. It's absolutely, positively a must. It
is the glue that holds a family together.
To cement this point, the
entire philosophy is summed up in the acronym "TIME":
Teach your children by what you do and what you say.
Instruct them clearly in all areas of their lives.
Monitor what they do and how they do it.
Encourage them in failures as well as successes.
In the discussion of developmental
milestones, the author assumes that all babies are bottle-fed, an unfortunate
reflection of our bottle-feeding culture. But this is a small problem
in an otherwise excellent resource.
This book is a tremendous
resource for mothers of small children. It teaches excellent parenting
skills that will be beneficial well beyond early childhood.
Last updated Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:33 UTC 2007.
