Tandem Nursing
By Corinne Tribe
Shetland Islands, Scotland
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 13 No. 3, May-June 1996, p. 77
We provide articles
from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and
members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information
change over time
When asked in one survey
if they would do it again, the unanimous answer among tandem nursing
mothers was "no," according to the leaflet on the subject. Whatever
could be so difficult about nursing two small children? I thought complacently,
nine months pregnant with my cherished two-and-a-half-year-old at my
breast. Two months later, the same cherished two-and-a-half-year-old
still at my breast, and my seven-week-old strongly defending her rights
to the position, I feel much less complacent and considerably wiser.
I had always planned on
allowing Brendon to wean himself and so, when he showed no signs of
doing this throughout the pregnancy, we just assumed that this wonderfully
loving experience would continue. I even remember thinking how much
easier it would be after the birth, when my milk would be plentiful
for him. Never did I anticipate feeling so negative toward the whole
situation. Heather's first two weeks went well, partly because we were
staying with relatives, so Brendon had plenty of loving attention from
myself and his father, Dave. However, once we returned home and Dave
went back to work, life became more difficult. I had expected an increase
in Brendon's desire to nurse, but now it seemed that he wanted to nurse
all day. When I did not oblige immediately, he would break down in sobs
on the floor. It got to the point where the words, "Brendon snuggle"
in his plaintive little voice would send a chill down my spine. I just
could not keep up with his demands, and I was horrified by my own feelings
of resentment toward him. With cushions all around me, I endeavored
to nurse them simultaneously. But with Heather arching her back and
crying, and Brendon lunging at my nipple with all those teeth, I felt
used. I knew that Brendon was aware of my negative feelings and that
in itself was causing him to want to nurse more often. I began to wish
that Brendon had weaned when I was pregnant.
Dave and I debated long
and hard about limiting Brendon's nursings. After all, I could not leave
Heather to cry when she needed to feed. But to deny Brendon the reassurance
of my love in this very special way was also more than I could bear.
I felt incredibly guilty about wanting to wean Brendon, as if I had
failed to do what I had assumed would be so easy. I also felt sad as
our beautiful relationship was under such strain. I think the most difficult
thing about it all was coping in silence. Outside our home, I put on
a brave face and told everyone how well things were going for fear of
them saying: "Well, what did you expect? You should have stopped Brendon
from doing that by now!"
It was at this point that
I read LLL's leaflet, "Nursing Two, Is It for You?" again, and this
time I understood more of what the author was saying. It was such a
relief to read that my negative feelings were normal, that "a common
occurrence with mothers who tandem nurse is 'feeling all touched out.'"
I think this was also reassuring for Dave, as he was taking the brunt
of my frustration and anger. I also realised that simultaneous nursings
were part and parcel of tandem nursing, and that I am not the first
mum to sit bare-breasted, balancing two nurslings on my lap. I spoke
to my local La Leche League Leader, Michele, who wisely pointed out
that if Brendon was not nursing, I would have to find other ways of
reassuring and entertaining him. Slowly, I realised just how well things
really were going. Apart from the increase in nursing, Brendon has shown
no other signs of jealousy toward Heather. In fact, I am touched by
the tender way he holds her hand whilst they both nurse.
That was all two weeks ago.
Brendon still nurses at least five times a day, but we are both enjoying
the experience again. Often a snack or a book will deter him if need
be. Heather spends most of the day in a sling, and since it is the type
that will hold her in a football hold, it is ideal for added support
whilst nursing them at the same time. We are still in the early days
and undoubtedly will encounter new challenges before the nursing trio
disbands, but it is reassuring to know that I am not a lone pioneer
and that the hard work now will reap rewards in the months and years
to come. And if asked if I would tandem nurse again...ask me again in
six months!
Last updated Monday, September 11, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:32 UTC 2007.
