Attachment Parenting and the Older Child: Being There in a New and Different Way
Judy Baker
Walnut Creek CA USA
Report on a session from the 2003 LLLI Conference
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 20 No. 5, September-October 2003, pp. 179
Just as our babies need to
feel supported and safe, so do our growing children and adolescents.
Isabelle Fox, PhD, clinical psychotherapist and author, shared her wisdom
with us as she eloquently presented a wealth of practical ideas from
her newest book, Growing Up: Attachment Parenting from Kindergarten
to College.
Fox stresses that we have
basic continuing parental responsibilities to help our children develop
in a healthy way. She offered some examples, such as using non-violent
methods of conflict resolution, supervising children and holding them
accountable for their actions, creating playful times and family rituals,
and keeping the home safe so that children feel protected.
Children have basic responsibilities
to make their own friends, participate in the family and in school,
and complete their chores and school assignments. They benefit from
having relaxed time to play without feeling rushed. Too many chores
and activities can interfere with both play time and homework time.
Family time is important
so that the child develops a sense of connectedness. Fox suggests having
dinner together at least a few times a week and celebrating birthdays
or holidays together. Some time alone with each child is important,
too, at least for a few minutes once a week. For example, children love
to cook, and that can be a great activity for learning, spending time
alone with a parent, and just having fun.
While it can be scary for
parents to watch their children become increasingly independent, they
must balance the need for independence with appropriate supervision.
Supporting children means giving them privacy when they ask for it,
allowing them to dress in clothes they like and feel comfortable wearing,
and supporting new interests. Fox suggests rotating chores, putting
schedules in writing, and, most importantly, relaxing standards. She
admonishes that punishment just increases anger and builds resentment.
Fox's sensitive and intuitive
approach to parenting helped Conference attendees feel confident that
the investment and connection we establish with our children early on
will carry through their entire lives. Mothering through breastfeeding
is a wonderful start to developing an attached, loving, responsive,
and continuing relationship with our children.
Last updated Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:46 UTC 2007.
