Natural for Us
Anna Marie Johnson
Louisville KY USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 21 No. 5, September-October 2004, p. 174
Before our first baby was
born, my husband and I had pictured a perfect birth. I would labor at
home assisted by my husband and my doula before heading to the hospital
where our daughter would be delivered by my midwife. I would encourage
her to breastfeed before the nurses even cleaned her up. As often happens
in life, we didn't get what we'd imagined.
I went into labor three
weeks early, but I did manage to have labor for six hours at home with
my husband and doula by my side. When my water broke all over the kitchen
floor, we decided it was time to head for the hospital. So far, so good.
When we arrived at the hospital, we were startled to find that I was
fully dilated. That was the good news. The bad news was that my daughter
was coming rear end first down the birth canal. It was about 90 minutes
after the emergency cesarean before I was able to hold my daughter.
When I did try to breastfeed
those first few days in the hospital, Madeline would start to suck and
then stop, or she would just cry and not latch on at all. The nurses
were encouraging, the lactation consultant was supportive and helpful,
but the pediatrician was concerned about dehydration and ordered supplementation.
We used a syringe and small flexible tubing next to our finger to get
her to take some formula. That was the system we were still using when
we went home from the hospital.
For the next several days,
Madeline and I struggled to make breastfeeding work for us, but it was
tough. Every time I attempted to nurse, Madeline would cry for 20 to
30 minutes before she would latch on. Once she was nursing, however,
she would breastfeed for 20 to 30 minutes straight.
Family members who had not
been around breastfeeding mothers and babies were concerned. Was she
getting enough? Wasn't this supposed to be a "natural" process?
My mother and sister had both breastfed, but neither had experienced
what I was going through. My doula and the lactation consultant both
suggested various solutions, but nothing seemed to help. It was extremely
frustrating for both Madeline and me. My husband was concerned, but
supportive. If I wanted to continue, so did he. Still, I was completely
discouraged. If I couldn't accomplish this, how was I going to succeed
at being a mother?
Finally, two people helped,
but not in the ways I would have imagined. First, my sister said, "You
know, you aren't a failure if you don't breastfeed." That comment
freed me from the pressure I was putting on myself and Madeline to succeed.
Second, our pediatrician suggested that, perhaps this was just her personality.
Seeing my daughter as an individual who was expressing herself and her
opinions helped me to appreciate her determination. Rather than seeing
myself as a failure at what I thought was one of the most basic forms
of mothering, I now saw my daughter as spunky.
About a week after her birth,
we stopped supplementing with formula. Approximately two weeks later,
Madeline's initial pre-latch-on crying had diminished. She was exclusively
breastfed until she was about five-and-half months old.
Now, at 15 months old, Madeline
is still breastfeeding and we plan to continue this relationship. Looking
back, I can see how I turned breastfeeding into an indicator of my mothering
skills. In retrospect, I wish that I could have tried letting Madeline
breastfeed more often, for I suspect that part of her problem was that
she was simply so hungry that she couldn't calm down. Instead, I bought
into the idea that babies only need to eat every three to four hours.
Still, these musings are 15 months after the fact, after I've fully
recovered from the cesarean birth and am feeling in better control of
myself and my emotions. I made the best decision I could at the time,
which was to stick with the breastfeeding until it became truly "natural."
Last updated Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:59 UTC 2007.
