Online Communication
Norma
Escobar
Wilmington, North Carolina, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 36 No. 6, December 2000-January 2001, pp. 121-22
We are living in
the "information era." In the USA, over half the homes are
now connected to the Internet and more than half of the users of this
new medium are women (Nielsen Net Ratings, July 2000). This information
frenzy is expanding worldwide. The World Wide Web has opened up a myriad
of opportunities and challenges for people all around the world. This
includes La Leche League Leaders. Things like email and formal and informal
mailing lists have revolutionized the way that many Leaders do the business
of leading day to day.
The information
age has also added a new dimension to how many Leaders help mothers.
Leaders may receive online help forms from mothers who send in questions
to LLLI's Web site; email contact from a mother who saw the Group's
meeting notice on the Web; or contact through chat rooms that have La
Leche League hosts. The fact is that more and more Leaders are helping
mothers via electronic communications every day and online communication
is here to stay. At a recent workshop about human communication and
the nature of all human interactions, the speaker talked about five
levels of communication:
- cliche ("Hi,
how are you?" "Fine")
- facts ("Most
breastfed babies nurse 10-12 times per 24 hours")
- opinions ("My
babies always nursed at least that much" - implying yours should,
too)
- feelings ("I
feel tied down by the baby's unexpected demands")
- needs ("I
need at least 15 minutes per day to myself")
Most experienced
Leaders are good at getting past the first few levels of communication
and getting to the mother's true needs when dealing with a phone call
or a meeting situation. How can Leaders keep that same warm and accepting
dialogue that gets to the core of issues, during online interaction?
Especially when the nature of lightning speed communication seems to
demand that an instant answer should be one click away.
Things like reflective
listening, empathy, respect, and the ability to be genuine become even
more important when you don't have the visual cues of body language
and facial expression or the auditory cue of voice tone. Examine the
following excerpt from a chat room as an example:
Mother:
I am going to try to breastfeed my baby, but did anyone else feel weird
about it?
Leader:
Sure, some mothers find the idea of a baby sucking at the breast weird,
but you'll get over it once it is your own baby.
Mother:
I just don't know if I can do it.
Leader:
Sure you can, you'll feel differently once you hold your baby.
In this dialogue
the mother will probably go away feeling unheard. She may or may not
give breastfeeding a try. Take a look at this second dialogue:
Mother:
I am going to try to breastfeed my baby, but did anyone else feel weird
about it?
Leader:
You sound uncomfortable with the idea of being involved with your baby
in such an intimate way.
Mother:
Yes, I guess that's part of it, but it's stronger than that - I don't
know, maybe I'm just strange.
Leader:
Having these feelings makes you wonder if you 're the only one out there
who is ambivalent about this breastfeeding business. Can I offer you
some information?
Mother:
Yes, please! l feel like l shouldn't be having these feelings at all!
Leader:
Some mothers do have trouble picturing themselves with a baby at their
breasts, some feel awkward, others downright disgusted at the thought.
Mother:
Yes, that is exactly what I'm going through - I'd hate for my baby to
feel like I reject her! But I know that breastfeeding is best.
Leader:
It has been shown that with a little practice, most mothers find that
their negative feelings toward breastfeeding change and they are better
able to cope and even learn to enjoy breastfeeding! And their babies
benefit from their efforts.
Mother:
I guess l should at least give it a good try and see what happens.
Leader:
Sounds like a great plan! You might want to consider giving you and
your baby 4-6 weeks to get used to breastfeeding before you decide if
this is for you or not.
In this example,
we see how the Leader was able to use reflective listening and offer
information in a way that conveyed respect and acceptance. Even when
the Leader didn't "get it" at first, the mother kept giving
clues until the Leader was able to really understand what this mother
was experiencing. This was a clarifying experience for the mother, too.
This mother found her own answer and also went away with the information
she needed (that she was not the first mother to feel ambivalent at
the thought of breastfeeding) as well as the knowledge that it may take
4-6 weeks to become a more experienced nursing mother.
Another helpful
skill to have and use in your communication on-line is how to ask open-ended
questions. In conjunction with empathy, it can be a powerful tool to
get to the real issue and meet a mother's needs. See what a difference
this can make:
Mother:
My baby is not getting enough milk. Can you tell me what I can do to
increase my supply?
Leader:
How old is your baby?
Mother:
Two weeks
Leader:
How much did he weigh at birth?
Mother:
Seven pounds, four ounces.
Leader:
How much does be weigh now?
Mother:
I don't know, our appointment is tomorrow.
Leader:
How many wet diapers is he having per 24 hours?
Mother:
Well, I think he's having enough, at least five or six.
Leader:
Is he nursing regularly?
Mother:
Yes, he nurses a lot, at least every three hours, sometimes more - is
that bad?
If you put yourself
in this mother's shoes you'll see that she may think that she's being
interrogated and put on the spot.
Compare it with
this:
Mother:
My baby is not getting enough milk, can you tell me what I can do to
increase my supply?
Leader:
Wow, being worried about not being able to meet your child's needs can
be such a strain on a new mother, can you tell me more about your baby's
nursing pattern?
Mother:
I am very worried. He does not seem to be gaining much weight, yet he
seems to nurse so frequently! At least he sleeps good at night though.
But during the day, its non-stop feeding. At least every three hours,
if not more often!
Leader:
You sound overwhelmed by your baby's needs yet relieved that he's sleeping.
The pattern you describe during the day seems pretty normal. Tell me
more about his nighttime patterns.
Mother:
Oh, he's such a good baby. From the day we got him home from the hospital
he's slept seven hours straight every night. We're the envy of the family!
Leader:
Even though your family is pleased, you are still worried that the baby
might not be growing properly. Have you considered that maybe your baby
needs to eat once or twice at night in order to grow a little faster?
Mother:
Well, I guess I had not thought about it, I was just counting my blessings!
Leader:
You sound surprised to hear me suggest this, you are very content with
the way things are at night!
Mother:
Well, if it would help him gain faster, I could try to feed him at night,
I guess.
In this example
the Leader allowed the mother to direct the conversation, while gently
drawing out the information that was key to this issue by using questions
that needed more than a one-word answer. Combined with empathy, open-ended
questions are a very effective way to discover the mother's true needs.
This approach takes a little more time and it also takes really "listening"
until we get it right. However, the advantage is that we are more likely
to truly meet the needs of the mothers who come to us for help when
we respond in this way.
Tips To Increase
the Effectiveness of Your Online Communication
- Remember to use
empathy. What is the mother experiencing? Get into her shoes.
- Don't be afraid
to identify feelings and the reasons for the feelings even if it takes
you a little longer. You'll help the mother get to her true need that
way. This is the key to reflective listening.
- If you don't
get it right, keep trying. The mother will correct you if you're off
track. This is true for both the immediate chat session setting and
the slower help-form situation.
- Remember to use
open questions to get the mother "talking" about her situation.
You can learn a lot about the situation in a relatively short amount
of time.
- Once you identify
what the true concern is, offer information in a way that can be accepted
or rejected. This shows respect for the individual.
- Phrases such
as:
Many mothers find...
Have you considered..?
What would happen if..?
THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING suggests...
- Consider taking
(or retaking) HRE sessions at your Area/International Conference,
or inviting an instructor to present a series in your town. Complete
the HRE workbook available through LLLI.
[Editor's note:
for more information on electronic leading, see "Online
La Leche League Meetings." by Anne Patrick which appeared in
the June-July 2000 issue of LEAVEN]
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:04 UTC 2007.
