Confessions of a Bottle-Feeding Leader
from LEAVEN, Vol. 33 No.
6, December 1997 - January 1998, p. 135
by LaJuana Oswalt
Sherwood, Arkansas, USA
I am a La Leche League Leader.
I proudly and passionately share the benefits of breastfeeding with
other mothers. And I have a child who was bottle-fed.
I never longed for any career
other than motherhood but pregnancy eluded me for seven long years.
When I became a mother for the first time, it was by adoption. Meghan,
our precious oldest child, was adopted into our family when she was
13 days old.
Since I didn't have to recover
from childbirth, Meghan and I were on the go from the beginning. Like
most new mothers, I closely watched to see other people's reaction to
my beautiful baby. They weren't all positive. I received many disapproving
looks as I fed Meghan her bottle. Many people felt justified in making
disparaging remarks about my not breastfeeding her.
At first, I explained that
Meghan was adopted. Several people told me that I "could have" breastfed
if I had wanted to. Eventually I came to the point where I would avoid
any comment. I didn't share with them that I had tried putting Meghan
to the breast. I didn't share the heartbreak I felt when she had no
clue about what I was trying. The only information I had on breastfeeding
an adopted baby was not from LLLI. It said that some kind of drug had
to be taken for months in advance to prepare your breasts to supply
milk for your baby. We didn't know we were getting Meghan until the
day we picked her up. I thought that nursing wasn't a possibility for
me.
My co-Leader tells other
Leaders that I am the one who changed her perspective on how Leaders
can handle bottle-feeding in a Series Meeting setting. I shared with
her how defensive I felt when I heard bottle-feeding mothers described
as lazy because they prop bottles (with the accompanying subtle implication
they were less of a mother). I had never propped a bottle and when Meghan
took a nap she was stretched out on me. I did everything in my power
to keep her close to me when she ate and slept.
My family jokingly says that
I didn't breastfeed Meghan so that we'd be able to keep up with her!
My bottle-fed daughter is extremely bright, an honor-roll student, gifted
musically, sensitive and caring. Yet I cringe when the advantages of
breastfeeding are presented in a way that belittles bottle-fed children.
Yes, at Series Meetings we share the optimal brain development and mother-baby
bonding advantages of breastfeeding but we try to do this in a way that
a mother who hasn't breastfed won't feel guilt.
I deal rather delicately
with the issue of bottle-feeding, knowing how I felt about it. For me,
it works best to present the benefits of breastfeeding while trying
to respect and accept each mother where she is. After all, we don't
have the power to offer a mother the chance to go back in time and breastfeed
instead of bottle-feed. All we can do is go forward in our lives.
If a mother is at a Series
Meeting, she is seeking information about breastfeeding. None of us
would want to turn her away by unwittingly offending her previous choices.
I do, however, know that
I have a unique experience. I can personally share a perspective
on breast versus bottle. I can share the trials of preparing
formula, of getting caught with a hungry baby and no formula, of having
a lactose- intolerant child on expensive formula, of trying to parent
in a calm and loving manner without the benefit of prolactin! I can
also speak of the allergies Meghan experiences and her dental problems.
Although I'm reluctant to
admit it, I can also say that breastfeeding made the bond between me
and my two younger children different. Meghan is the long-awaited, much-loved
child who first gave me the precious gift of motherhood, yet I have
to work to nurture the bond between Meghan and me. I believe this is
because I was not able to breastfeed her, not because the others were
born to me.
As you know, a bond develops
between a nursling and his mother that is special. There is a way we
"know" our breastfed child because so much of our lives depend on each
other. There is a deep-seated compulsion to meet our baby's needs that
is almost overwhelming. That undeniable tugging of our hearts leads
us to become the mothers our babies need.
That's what I try to share
with mothers. Of course, we can and do love our children and want the
best for them no matter how we feed them. However, if there is
a choice, why choose second best? Nutritionally, human milk is the undeniably
superior infant food. I tell mothers, even if there were no nutritional
benefits, only emotional ones, I would still breastfeed.
I direct them to their local
LLL Group. The benefits of breastfeeding to an infant are only a small
part of what LLL has to offer. The support and encouragement of mothers
with similar parenting styles can have a life-changing effect on a family.
We owe mothers the chance to experience those benefits. Breastfeeding
and my involvement with LLL have given me those benefits.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:21 UTC 2007.
