In a "League of Their Own"
by Lisa Jones, Wellington, Florida, USA
from LEAVEN, Vol. 33 No. 6, December 1997-January 1998, pp. 139-40
Many times we hear about
the perception of La Leche League as an organization that does not welcome
the working mother, the mother who regularly supplements her baby's
diet with formula, the mother who weans early. Often this perception
is based on a rumor, told from friend to friend to friend, none of whom
has attended a Group meeting. I admit that I heard LLL was a radical
breastfeeding organization, made up of women who had a kind of "in your
face" attitude about nursing.
I pictured the LLL mother
in Birkenstock shoes with unshaven legs and no makeup, a kind of Earth
Mother of the '90s. I knew that I enjoyed breastfeeding but didn't think
that I wanted or needed to know more than that. I honestly don't know
what led me to my first meeting.
At the meeting I felt nothing
but acceptance and a sense of belonging. No one questioned me about
my daughter's thumbsucking or her attachment to a blanket at bed and
naptime. No one made me feel bad for following a pediatrician's advice
to supplement with formula when my firstborn was a newborn premie. There
were a few Birkenstocks in attendance, but there were also pumps, high
heels, beach sandals and sneakers!
I had finally found like-minded
mothers and kept coming back for more until I was approached about leadership
early the next year.
I have grown so much in my
mothering through LLL, I just wonder what I would be like if I had really
believed the rumors. But if any of the rumors had proved true in the
Group that I attended that first time, I do not think I would have gone
to a second meeting. I wouldn't have brought along my good friends and
future sister Leaders and their breastfed babies to attend with me.
I believe it is true that
a mother who comes away from a meeting feeling accepted will tell three
friends. A mother who has a bad experience will tell ten friends.
What if a Group, its Leader,
and its members are critical, judgmental or give a wrong impression
of LLLI philosophy? What if a meeting is peppered with doctor-bashing
remarks and mixing causes galore? What if a first-time attendee who
feels unwelcome not only tells her close personal friends but also tells
the world on the Internet?
This has happened recently
and we should all be made aware of the ramifications of one mother's
bad experience. Granted, only one side of the story has been told, but
the potential effect is so great that we all must take another look
at our leadership skills and the atmosphere that we create in Group
meetings. A Group in a "League of its own" hurts us all.
Picture a mother who attends
her first meeting and instantly feels out of place because she is working
outside the home. She may feel judged because she gives her baby bottles
of mother's milk in her absence. Before attending the meeting, she was
proud of her ability to provide her baby with only mother's milk. In
an hour's time, she feels as if she is doing something awful to her
baby!
While in a computer "chat
room," the mother lets it be known that she feels LLL let her down.
An online friend told her only good things about LLL and recommended
meetings as a wonderful way to meet other breastfeeding mothers. Yet,
after her first experience, the mother will probably never return to
another LLL meeting. She may not get support and information about mothering
through breastfeeding from anywhere else. We owe it to this mother to
try harder to meet all mothers where they are in their breastfeeding
relationship.
When mothers attend a Group
meeting for the first time, they usually don't know what to expect.
They may seem reserved or shy. As Leaders, it is helpful to remember
our own trepidation at our first meeting.
Series Meetings, as discussed
in the LEADER'S HANDBOOK, should be geared toward the newcomer. Even
if nine out of ten attendees know each other well, that tenth mother
needs to be made to feel welcome. There are several ways we can help
make a mother's first visit to an LLL meeting a positive experience,
one she will happily share with her friends and family:
- Use a greeter. Greeter
is a great job for your friendliest regular attendee. A smile and
a sincere "Welcome!" go a long way.
- Watch your body language.
Leaders can practice what they learned in Human Relations Enrichment
(HRE) sessions: turn toward the speaker, smile and look directly at
her.
- Pay attention to nametags.
Include the baby's name on the mother's tag. Mothers really love it
when you remember their baby's name.
- Don't mix causes. Nothing
is more frustrating to a newcomer than feeling she doesn't "measure
up" because she is different. Remember, breastfeeding is our common
focus, LLL's only focus.
- Keep the discussion on
the topic of breastfeeding. Sometimes a reminder about LLL's mission
and philosophy is necessary. We are not the "thought police," but
we do need to rein in conversations that veer too far from the stated
purpose of LLL.
- Encourage mothers to socialize
after the formal part of the meeting. Sometimes, when mothers have
been attending for a long time, they use the meeting time to catch
up with other regular attendees, unknowingly forgetting the newcomer.
There are few things so hurtful and upsetting as feeling that you
are not part of a "clique." Suggest that mothers chat afterwards and
exchange phone numbers, for wonderful, long-lasting friendships have
grown out of LLL!
- Hold Planning/Evaluation
Meetings. Learn what mothers think and feel about the Group. They
appreciate feeling "ownership" of the Group and will have a vested
interest in making the Group the best that it can be.
- Try not to say anything
at a meeting you would not say to the general public. Remember that
mothers will share not only the wonderful things that they hear at
a Series Meeting but all the more unusual things as well.
We all want our message of
mothering through breastfeeding to reach as many women (and men!) as
possible. It is our passion which makes every LLL Leader so special.
When we meet every mother "where she is" in her breastfeeding relationship,
we truly can change the world, one mother and baby at a time.
It helps to remember that
it took some of us many years and often several babies to arrive "where
we are." We also have the benefit of the most recent breastfeeding research
and the incredible support system of LLL to help us to grow in our mothering.
Most mothers have only themselves, their precious babies and instinct
to guide them.
If we welcome all mothers
to LLL with a positive first experience, we help them benefit as mothers
and help LLL grow as an organization.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:52 UTC 2007.
