All Mothers Are Equal: Being Sensitive to Family Size
Kathy Grossman
Glenshaw, Pennsylvania, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 34 No. 6, December 1998 - January 1999, p. 121
La Leche League Leaders have
families of varying sizes. They also encounter mothers at meetings and
in phone-helping situations whose families are different sizes. Acceptance
of, respect for, and sensitivity to family size are important as we
encourage mothers to breastfeed.
Consider this: A Leader is
keeping her twin toddlers busy at a Series Meeting (and also has three
children at home with her husband). A mother with one child asks about
getting more sleep at night. The Leader rolls her eyes and sighs, "Boy,
I wish I had only one to worry about!"
Or this situation: A pregnant
mother brings her two teenagers and her five-year-old to the World Walk
for Breastfeeding. She asks a Leader some questions about breastfeeding
and going back to work. The Leader steers her toward another Leader
with four children instead of a newly accredited co-Leader who has one
child.
The LLL Founders' families
had varying numbers of children--from three to eleven. Are these numbers
important? Does a family with more children make someone a better Founder?
A better Leader? A better mother? It doesn't, of course, but perhaps
we sometimes inadvertently give mothers and Leaders that impression.
As we work with women with families of different sizes, it may help
to keep in mind the following:
All mothers are equal.
Leaders encourage and support all breastfeeding mothers. There is
no hierarchy of motherhood depending no how many children a woman has.
All Leaders are equal.
As soon as she is accredited, a Leader is equal to any other Leader,
regardless of the number of years she's been involved with LLL or the
number of children she has.
The visible number of
children may not be all that gives a mother experience. Visible
family size does not reflect miscarriages, stillbirths, children given
up for adoption, sudden infant death and other losses. A woman may be
parenting a chronically ill child or one with emotional or physical
challenges. A mother may have teaching, coaching or counseling experience.
She may have helped raise her sibling(s), a relative's child(ren) or
be involved in foster care.
A Leader needs to be sensitive
to the facts of her own family size. A "large" family
does not make a Leader a more knowledgeable mother or Leader. A "small"
family does not mean she has less to offer. When talking to a mother,
avoid comparing or implying superior or inferior knowledge based on
the number of children you or another Leader has.
Avoid using numbers when
describing parenting situations. Instead of saying, "My fourth
baby had a bad case of colic," use his or her name or more general
terms, for example, "One of my children had a bad case of colic."
Avoid using language and
tone of voice that calls attention to family size. Avoid words like
"only" and "just" when referring to someone's child
or children. Avoid raising your voice in volume or pitch when referring
to a mother who has what you consider a large number of children, for
example, "Now, let's hear from Melissa. who has six children!"
Avoid using language that
quantifies families (large, small, only child). These labels are
subjective at best and at their worst can be insulting or hurtful, for
example, if a couple is struggling with infertility.
Avoid mixing causes. Women
and their partners have certain numbers of children for a variety of
medical, personal, cultural, religious and ethical reasons. These decisions
often reflect issues that go beyond the scope of LLL.
There is no hierarchy of
mothering experience and family size, with either Leaders or women who
attend our meetings. Leaders need to treat other Leaders and all mothers
with the same respect and care, encouraging and supporting breastfeeding
with each baby, treating each family equally, regardless of its size.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:13 UTC 2007.
