Managing the Group:
Working Together When Ideas Differ
Amy Shelton
Harvest, Alabama USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 34 No. 6, December 1998 - January 1999, p. 133
Even though breastfeeding
and mothering are significant in our lives, they don't make up our totality.
For as many Leaders as there are, there are that many personalities,
characteristics and unique individuals. In no way do we all agree on
everything, including our interpretation of LLLI philosophy. It is normal
to have our own ideas, distinct from those of other Leaders.
Here are some suggestions
for working together in a prickly relationship with someone whose ideas
and values differ from our own.
Leaders come to LLL with
different ideas and lifestyles due to geographic origin, age, economic
bracket, level of education, religion, family size, ages of children,
professional background and the level of support received from their
partner and other family members.
In addition, certain factors
may contribute to differing Leader ideas within the LLL framework:
- the length of time a Leader
has been involved with LLL, both before and since accreditation;
- whether a Leader has worked
with one other Leader, several Leaders, or is a lone or isolated Leader;
- whether a Leader has moved
often and has been part of many LLL Groups, or has been part of the
same Group for many years;
- whether a Leader has felt
uncomfortable in any Group she has been part of;
- whether a Leader was helped
in her preparation for leadership by active, nurturing Leaders, or
if she had little help as she prepared for leadership accreditation;
- whether a Leader has attended
educational and networking opportunities such as District Workshops;
Chapter Meetings; Division/Affiliate or Area Conferences.
Each Leader has her own understanding
of LLLI philosophy that has evolved from the factors mentioned above
and her individual experience. The freedom to be an individual is a
great strength and permits a diversity of lifestyles among people who
share a common goal. This freedom helps Leaders demonstrate to mothers
who attend LLL meetings that there is no one set way or pattern she
must follow. It allows each mother the freedom to find her own way within
the philosophy of LLLI.
However, this freedom, when
combined with individuality, can lead to differences that can cause
disagreement and conflict between Leaders.
When conflicts arise, Leaders
need to give immediate attention to the situation. Putting it off, while
tempting, can cause negative feelings to grow and make it more difficult
to talk about feelings later on. Disagreements should be handled in
a direct manner, by only the Leaders involved, discussing only the persons
involved. It is important to use open and honest dialogue, avoiding
accusations. Now is the time to practice the "I feel" messages
learned in Human Relations Enrichment (HRE).
When Leaders disagree, they
need to keep LLL goals foremost in their minds. Remember that all Leaders
share the same goal of helping mothers breastfeed. It is important to
the harmony of the Group not to involve Group members in disagreements
between Leaders.
If you experience frequent
disagreements with your co-Leaders, examine your expectations to see
if they are realistic. It is unrealistic to believe that all Leaders
should be best friends; that all Leaders should feel exactly the same
about all points of LLLI philosophy; that Leaders should be "perfect";
that all Leaders should be able to devote the same amount of time and
energy to LLL. If you find yourself struggling with these issues from
time to time, try to remember that we are all different and it is these
differences that allow us to help a wider variety of mothers.
Remember that conflict can
be beneficial when it is handled constructively. By maintaining mutual
respect and expressing empathy for each other's feelings, it is possible
to overcome these differences and conflicts with a greater awareness
of the other person's point of view, perhaps even broadening our own
horizons.
If we make no effort to address
conflict with our co-Leaders, we will be left with poor or broken relationships
and frustrated or negative feelings that may surface elsewhere in our
LLL work. By working together to resolve conflict, we will experience
increased self- awareness and sensitivity to others as well as a tremendous
feeling of triumph when we overcome obstacles to our effective functioning
as LLL Leaders.
Your District Advisor or
HRE Instructor can help with goal clarification and problem defining,
as well as the development of an empathetic approach to problem solving.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:37 UTC 2007.
