Good Dialogues Aren’t
Just for Helping Calls
Debbie Hanson
Rockford IL USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 40 No. 1, February-March 2004, p. 15.
Applicants put a lot of effort
into honing their listening skills. We learn how to listen to the mothers
who call us for help. We learn to listen past the words to the often
hidden meanings. We learn to ask questions for clarification. We learn
how to determine if the problem is within the range of mother-to-mother
help. We learn how to give information, not advice. We learn how to
hide our disappointment when we have invested a lot of time and energy
in helping a mother and baby who take a different road than the one
we would have chosen for ourselves. We learn how to value the differences
in people and families and realize that the diversity makes our organization
stronger. We learn all of these things and more as we train to become
accredited La Leche League Leaders.
Then we become accredited.
We hold the title of La Leche League Leader. We’re trained and
ready to go, right? Now the Group is one big happy family, celebrating
its new addition, right? Not always. Perhaps it is similar to what some
couples engaged to be married go through. Hours are spent choosing just
the right wedding invitation, the perfect wedding dress, and how many
courses of food to be served at the reception, who can and can’t
sit together at the reception, and where the honeymoon should be. Sometimes,
not enough time is spent talking about how to make the marriage work
after the couple says "I do."
The application process helps
develop skills that will assist the Applicant in being a prepared Leader.
It should also be a time when the dynamics of the Group are reevaluated.
(Reevaluation is something that all Groups should do from time to time
regardless of whether or not they are working with an Applicant.)
With change comes the potential
for conflict. With Leaders from all walks of life, there will be conflict.
It’s been said that conflict, in and of itself, is healthy. It
is how we choose to deal with the conflict that is either positive or
negative. We need to respect our co-Leaders and ourselves enough to
choose a positive path to conflict resolution. Remember all of the listening
skills that we learned to use in communicating with mothers? They should
also be used when talking with one’s co-Leader(s). If Leaders do
not experience some degree of disagreement or conflict (however small)
while working with each other, then most likely there are problems in
basic Leader communication.
What we need to keep in the
forefront of all discussions is that our focus should be helping mothers
breastfeed their babies. There are many ways to fulfill that goal. The
ways our co-Leaders would choose may not be the ways we would choose.
But through respectful communication between all parties, a deeper appreciation
of all sides can result. The Leader’s Handbook (2003 edition, page
89) recognizes that our very strength (diversity) can also be a weakness
(lead to conflict). This passage contains very direct steps in how to
work through disagreements:
- Give the disagreement
or conflict immediate attention; postponement can intensify negative
feelings.
- Handle any disagreement
in a direct manner. Discuss it only with those involved, not with
other Leaders or Group members.
- Listen carefully and consider
other viewpoints. Avoid assumptions; inquire for further understanding.
- Use respectful dialogue,
avoiding accusations. Use "I" messages ("I feel…when…")
to explain your understanding and viewpoint. Be open and willing to
change your mind if you receive new/different information.
- Together, look for solutions
that will enable you to satisfy your individual and mutual goals.
- When a conflict is resolved,
put it in the past and move on.
Remember that assistance
is always available through your support Leader and the Communications
Skills Department. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance. As Leaders,
we routinely call on support Leaders to help with difficult breastfeeding
situations. Creating/maintaining a healthy working relationship with
your co-Leaders should hold the same importance.
The passage in the Leader’s
Handbook (2003 edition, page 89), concludes by stating:
You may or may not be
interested in developing friendships with Group workers and other
Leaders. Keep in mind that women with different lifestyles, values,
and expectations can work productively together to help other mothers;
friendship is not necessary to a respectful, effective working relationship.
As Leaders, don’t we
prefer to help a mother who has sore nipples before they become blistered
and cracked? Through regular discussions with your co-Leaders (Leader’s
Meetings, for example) many conflicts can be resolved before they become
insurmountable.
Debbie Hanson is a Leader
with the morning Group of La Leche League of Rockford, Illinois, USA,
and is the District Advisor for Illinois District Metro 5. Nan Vollette
is the Contributing Editor for the "Helping Mothers" column.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:19 UTC 2007.
