Book Review
The Power of Mother Love
by Brenda Hunter
Reviewed by Anne Marie Miller
LEAVEN Volume 35, No. 1, February-March 1999, p. 15
We often joke about what
motherhood has done to us, trying in a lighthearted way to describe
the transformation we experience as we bear and raise our children.
I once heard my female pastor declare, "I prayed to God for patience
and God sent me four sons!" While I laughed with the rest of the
congregation, I knew there was an underlying truth to her joke. That
truth is powerfully stated in a new book by Brenda Hunter, The Power
of Mother Love.
In the preface Hunter writes,
Years ago when I became
a mother, I began an inner journey that has revolutionized my life.
I came to see that my children - with their love, neediness and daily
demands - were shaping me in ways I had but dimly perceived. Because
of my daughters I have become more patient, hopeful, accepting and
less perfectionistic. I, in turn, have shaped my children's lives,
molding their sense of self, their values and their conscience, as
well as their feelings about intimacy. Yet thirty years ago I had
no idea I was embarking on such a profound and cataclysmic passage.
The overwhelming message
of this book, that a baby needs his mother and needs to be able to form
a healthy attachment to her, provides strong support for LLLI philosophy.
We are encouraged to listen to our hearts. Our baby really does need
us. He cries because he needs something, not in order to manipulate
us. We are encouraged to respond to our baby with sensitivity and flexibility
- and to enjoy him. We are reminded that we are the creator of
our baby's world. The book also acknowledges the need women have to
mother in a group setting with help from peers and mentors. These are
echoes of words heard at countless LLL meetings!
Hunter's message is simple:
mothering your child is an important job. She talks about the child's
need for a consistent, sensitive, responsive mother.
She supports her statements
with personal experience, anecdotes taken from her clinical practice
as a psychologist and research by others in the field.
For example, she refers to
an incident at the 1986 American Psychiatric Association meeting where
John Bowlby was asked how early mothers could leave their babies to
return to work. What was "optimal for the child, not what a mother
could get away with" was important he said, adding "that every
child needs consistency of care and nannies and babysitters rarely provide
consistent caregiving."
Hunter reinforces the importance
of breastfeeding when she discusses brain development. She summarizes
her observations of a nursing mother:
I observed a mother
nurse her six-month-old baby girl. As she breastfed her baby, this
mother instinctively stroked her baby's legs and massaged her bare
feet. The baby responded by thrusting her chubby legs in a pumping
motion, almost as if she were riding a bicycle. Not once during the
five hours I was with this duo did the serene baby cry.
Increased Interest in Study of Human Milk
Hunter also refers to scientists
increasing interest in human milk both as an avenue to better health
for the child and as a way to improve the development of the growing
brain, thereby raising IQ.
In addition to her appreciation
of the power of mother love, Hunter includes a timely discussion of
Ezzo's Preparation for Parenting and the National Institute of
Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) study on child care released
in April 1996. In Chapter 6, "The Power of Attachment," Hunter
addresses various mothering styles and the research that has been done
on the development of a baby's attachment and bonding behaviors. In
that context Hunter discusses Ezzo's book, which she describes as "advocating
an inflexible feeding and sleeping schedule for babies." Hunter
makes her own evangelical Christian beliefs clear, but writes, "I
question this particular application to parenting. After all, a newborn
is a needy creature." Hunter states emphatically that she is "concerned
about any child-rearing philosophy that might encourage some parents
to be insensitive to their baby's needs. Insensitivity . . . is linked
to insecure attachment."
Hunter's discussion of the
NICHD study on child care is extremely useful, since the early releases
were widely reported with headlines such as: "Child Care No Risk
to Infant-Mother Ties" (Los Angeles Times) and "Child
Care Report Backs Working Moms" (London Guardian). Hunter
offers a full discussion of this long-term study which followed 1300
families at ten different sites since 1991. The study found that child
care, in and of itself, does not harm a baby's emotional bond with his
mother.
However, Hunter goes on to
discuss how the risks of an insensitive mother, poor quality care, inconsistency
of care or more than ten hours per week in day care increase the likelihood
of attachment insecurity. When such categories are added and the statistics
provided, as they are in the full NICDH study, the picture becomes much
more grim. Hunter points out that "cross-culturally, about 35 percent
of all babies are insecurely attached." Yet in most analyses in
the NICHD study, between 42 and 56 percent of the babies studied were
insecurely attached." Hunter also discusses the phase-two results,
which did not receive the same widespread media coverage.
There are a few disappointments
in the book. Hunter quotes Burton White's advice that babies should
sleep through the night at five or six months of age unless they are
ill or teething. Her discussion of spanking is also unlikely to find
favor with many in LLL. Those parents who follow her encouragement to
be sensitive, consistent and responsive to their child may find they
seldom need these particular pieces of advice.
There are many references
to Hunter's faith sprinkled throughout the book. She includes a chapter
on how to impart your faith to your children. Although the chapter is
written from a Christian viewpoint, those of other faiths could still
find much of value in the rest of the book. The techniques mentioned,
when appropriately altered, would work well for any family.
When The Power of Mother
Love came up for review, I jumped at the chance to read it. Although
I read it with my needs as a Leader in mind, reading the book has been
personally rewarding. I really appreciate the discussion of how becoming
a mother changes a woman - and how that new development may reach backward
as well as forward: "Once we become mothers we soon discover we
are reliving the past." Through her own story and those of others,
Hunter demonstrates the power of the past and how we may need to work
with it as we become mothers ourselves. She writes with love of these
challenges and provides hope for those who may need it.
Last updated Thursday, August 31, 2006 by njb.
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