Desperate
to Wean
Laura L. Cunningham
Mission Viejo, California, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 30 No. 4, July-August 1994, p. 58
As a new Leader I thought
of Meeting IV as the "Nutrition and 'Non'-Weaning Meeting."
Whole foods and family nutrition were fun and interesting but weaning
was a topic I avoided.
What I feared most was the
mother desperate to wean. She'd attend a meeting for the sole purpose
of learning how to wean in so many easy steps. I was afraid I wouldn't
be able to help this mother and she would leave feeling that La Leche
League had nothing to offer.
Sure enough, that "desperate-to-wean"
mother called me not long ago. "I see that your next meeting topic
is weaning. That's just what I need to hear. I just don't know how to
do this...." Talking to her I realized that I was uncomfortable
discussing weaning because ten years ago I was that mother desperate
to wean. Reliving that doubtful period of my life was painful. Yet I
had found the help I needed when I attended my first LLL meeting. I
had been encouraged to try natural weaning. How could I help mothers
as I had been helped?
First I thought about how
I had felt as a mother desperate to wean:
- I wanted the best for
my baby and I enjoyed breastfeeding.
- I felt pressured by family
to wean because of the value placed on early independence. Extended
breastfeeding was associated in their minds with an overly dependent
relationship between mother and child.
- I associated weaning with
"getting my life back," with an end to the often overwhelming
sense of being swallowed up by the baby's needs.
- I needed my feelings validated.
I needed to know that I wasn't the first mother desperate to wean
and that I wasn't a bad mother.
I decided to open the weaning
topic at the next meeting by acknowledging the ambivalence mothers feel.
Many mothers are desperate to wean at different stages of breastfeeding.
I decided to say:
"Breastfeeding is a
relationship between two human beings and, as in any relationship, there
is give and take. Sometimes mothers are ready to wean before their babies
are ready. We want what is best for baby, yet our needs and pressure
from others are sometimes in conflict with our babies' needs. Acknowledging
how you feel about weaning is the first step in figuring out what to
do."
I wanted to communicate the
baby's needs and to state clearly the advantages of natural weaning.
Why do we encourage mothers to continue breastfeeding until the baby
outgrows the need? What is weaning's bottom line?
Once again the answers had
to do with the relationship. How long each of our babies is breastfed
is not what is important--the attitude we have toward breastfeeding
and the relationship it builds is. I wanted to remind mothers how babies
feel about nursing. They know, of course, when they see the contented
smile and satisfied, peaceful expression. But when feeling desperate,
they forget. I decided I would be straightforward. No more skirting
the issue. No more ducking out. Here's what I would say next:
"Let's look at baby's
feelings, too. It doesn't take long for a nursing mother to discover
that nursing is much more than food to her baby. To baby, nursing is
love. As baby grows, he learns there are other ways to communicate love,
other ways to be close, other ways to be satisfied. But growing takes
time and every baby grows at his own pace. La Leche League believes
that weaning is best accomplished gradually and with love. We also believe
that in the best of circumstances the baby will breastfeed until he
outgrows the need. We are here to help breastfeeding mothers build the
strongest relationships possible with their babies regardless of when
weaning takes place."
That put the cards on the
table. No hidden agendas, no implications that the longer the nursing,
the better the mother.
The meeting could continue
as I asked mothers to share their feelings and experiences about weaning.
We could talk about weaning as a process that begins when food other
than mother's milk is introduced. And we could talk about the gentle
techniques of "other mothering."
A rich discussion is now
possible because:
- feelings are acknowledged,
- La Leche League's philosophy
is clearly stated, and
- emphasis is kept on relationship
and attitude.
Now when Meeting IV rolls
around, I have so much fun talking about weaning, I almost forget to
fit in nutrition!
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:11 UTC 2007.
