Mothers Who Experience Separation from Baby:
How to Determine Whether a Possible Applicant Meets the Prerequisites
Nancy Spahr
Peru IN USA
Eileen Harrison
Rennes France
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 40 No. 3, June-July 2004, pp. 64-65.
Does LLL accredit as Leaders
mothers who have experienced separation from their babies? If you ask
this question at a Leader gathering, you might get a variety of answers,
for example:
- We didn’t before,
but now we do.
- No, of course not.
- It depends on the situation;
the decision is up to the Leader Accreditation Department (LAD).
- The sponsoring Leaders
decide whether a mother meets the prerequisites or not.
In fact, the answer is not
as simple and straightforward as any of these. Each separation experience
involves a variety of factors and may or may not be consistent with
an experience of mothering through breastfeeding. Lending our unique
perspectives, both Leaders and LAD have a responsibility to assess whether
the mother meets the LLLI Prerequisites to Applying for Leadership (part
of Appendix 18 of the Policies and Standing Rules Notebook [PSR]). It
is important that we discuss our observations and understandings together
with a goal of agreeing on the appropriateness of an application. Though
impressions can be a strong influence, we have a responsibility to work
from the LLLI Leader accreditation policies rather than our personal
understandings or preferences.
Before deciding to recommend
a mother, make sure you have a complete picture related to her experience,
her understanding and agreement with LLL philosophy, and how she could
both present and represent it. It is important to be thorough, open,
and honest as you talk with the mother. The time you take now will be
well spent. If the mother does not fulfill the prerequisites, you avoid
the disappointment and frustration of a stalled application. If her
experience does fulfill the prerequisites, she will already have thought
carefully about, and perhaps have written down, elements of her experience
that will be relevant to her application. This can help the application
proceed smoothly and efficiently.
The Statement of Commitment
that each of us signs when we become Leaders begins, “I am personally
committed to good mothering through breastfeeding, as presented in The
Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and other LLLI publications.” A good
place to start a dialogue with the mother is therefore with The Womanly
Art. Encourage the mother to read it carefully and imagine whether she
can picture herself saying these kinds of things in this mother-to-mother
way. You may especially want to direct her to Chapter 9, “Making
a Choice.”
The LLLI Leader Application
Packet contains the 10 concept statements that summarize LLL philosophy,
PSR Appendix 17 (“Concept Policy Statements”), and PSR Appendix
18 (“Applying for Leadership”). Carefully go through the concepts
with the mother and explore whether/how her experience provides an example
of LLL philosophy in action. It may be important to particularly consider
what impact separation might have on different aspects of mothering
through breastfeeding, such as responding to an increased need to nurse
due to a growth spurt, readiness for solids, and how a baby weans. If
mothering through breastfeeding increases the mother’s capacity
to understand her baby and enhances the baby’s responsiveness to
his mother’s cues, what might be the consequences of having a third
person regularly responsible for the baby?
Chapter 5 in the Leader’s
Handbook, the 2003 Request for Personal History form (ask your LAD representative
for a copy), and PSR Appendix 17 are good resources for developing questions
to stimulate discussion. The article, “A Practical Philosophy:
A Look at the Concepts,” from the December-January 2003-2004 issue
of Leaven, may also be helpful. Your LAD representative can offer additional
ideas.
The following set of questions,
based on LLLI Leader accreditation policies, can help us in determining
whether a mother meets the prerequisites.
From the concepts and prerequisites:
- How does the mother understand
LLL philosophy about a baby’s need for mother’s presence in
the early years,* and how does she see her experience as an example
of this philosophy? (* The “early years” usually include up
to about age three, during which time the child is learning about and
discovering how to manage his separateness from mother.)
- How does the mother demonstrate
her understanding of nursing at her breast as the optimal way to nurture
and comfort her baby as well as provide nourishment?
- How is she able to recognize,
understand, and respond to her baby’s need for her presence as
well as for her milk, especially during the time she isn’t with
the baby?
- How does her management
of the separation show respect for the baby’s needs, especially
the need for her presence?
- From the Guidelines for
Leaders (part of PSR Appendix 18):
- How has the candidate’s
mothering through breastfeeding experience included being available
and responsive to her baby’s needs?
- Has she used substitutes
for her milk and/or nursing at her breast? If so, which, for how long,
under what circumstances, and with what results?
- Are
the separations ongoing? How has her management of the separations reflected
the baby’s changing needs?
- If “a mother who experiences
extensive, ongoing separation from her baby is unlikely to fulfill the
Mothering Experience Prerequisite,” what makes this situation likely
to be an exception?
- What, if any, impact has
the separation made on mothering through breastfeeding?
- What arrangements has the
mother made to lessen separation between herself and her baby and/or
worked to minimize disruption of breastfeeding? How has this changed
as the baby has grown?
- How does she present and
explain LLL philosophy to others in light of her experience? What has
she learned that makes LLL philosophy real for her?
- How does the candidate think
she would help other mothers experiencing situations similar to her
own? For example, would the candidate’s helping focus be on separation
as inevitable (or even a good thing), on making separation work, or
on ways to delay, minimize, or avoid separations? Can she think outside
societal norms and expectations and help others do the same?
From PSR Appendix 17:
- How does the mother understand
breastfeeding as a means to provide a complete way of meeting a baby’s
primary needs, which include touch, acceptance, and warmth, as well
as food? How does she understand the intimate interaction between mother
and baby, which deepens as the breastfeeding relationship continues
and serves as the framework for increasing a mother’s capacity
to understand her baby, all while enhancing the baby’s responsiveness
to his mother’s cues? How does this understanding serve as a basis
for how she approaches the other concepts—how she recognizes and
responds to each of her baby’s needs?
- How does/did her separation
situation allow for continuing flexible availability to her baby? Has
she been able to arrange her schedule around her baby’s needs/schedule,
or has he had to adjust to her schedule?
An LLL Leader provides an
example in action of LLL philosophy. She demonstrates that the philosophy
is both practical and achievable. It is our mutual responsibility to
maintain the philosophy that underlies our organization and serves as
a foundation for our helping suggestions to breastfeeding mothers.
Nancy Spahr is the Director
for the LLLI Leader Accreditation Department and has been a Leader for
27 years. She has two sons and two daughters, three of whom are grown,
and one breastfed granddaughter. Eileen Harrison is Regional Administrator
of Leader Accreditation for “Europe 1” and “Europe 2,” and a member of the LAD Council. She is British but has lived in Rennes, France for the past six years, where she leads a Toddler Group and the Ille-et-Villaine Chapter’s monthly Applicant meetings. Eileen and her husband, Richard, have four sons ranging in age from 30 to 22, and two granddaughters ages 5 and 2.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:53 UTC 2007.
