Helping Fathers Is Helping Mothers
Connie Chiavario
Sandwich, Illinois, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 33 No. 3, June-July 1997, pp. 58
Have you ever received a
call for breastfeeding help from a father? Have you ever helped a mother
with the father present? Some Leaders are quite comfortable in these
situations, while others are not.
Consider this scenario.
You are asked to make a home visit to help a mother and baby achieve
a good latch-on. You've given the mother help by phone but your suggestions
don't seem to be working for her. You agree to visit and arrive with
appropriate handouts, THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING, BREASTFEEDING
ANSWER BOOK and your Leader's Log. The father greets you at the door
and directs you to the mother and baby. He follows you in and takes
a seat.
Several insights can help
Leaders learn how to help a mother while helping the father in what
some might feel is an awkward situation.
In a situation similar to
the one above you might first introduce yourself and spend a few minutes
talking to the couple, congratulating them on their new baby. Next you
might ask the mother about breastfeeding and what she perceives to be
the problem.
After talking about her concerns,
you ask the mother for permission to observe the baby nursing. You ask
where she would be most comfortable and suggest that she move there.
You show her how to use pillows to help position the baby and reduce
any tension in her arms and upper body. As you guide her in the technique
to properly position her baby, you explain what you are doing. It is
important to make a point of always asking permission and washing your
hands before any contact with the mother or baby.
Father's Perspective
The father may ask questions
while observing or offer his insights. What he has to say can be quite
helpful. Perhaps he's picked up on something. He is also another pair
of eyes and ears and can help the mother remember what you are telling
and showing her.
It's also possible that a
father may not like or may disagree with what you are doing or saying.
In this situation it is important to remember that whether the father
is asking questions or seems confrontational, it is his baby
and partner. His behavior most likely comes from his caring and concern
for the health and well-being of his family. Take the time to be kind
and compassionate. Fathers need to be educated about breastfeeding,
too.
Several popular books on
the market describe the differences in how men and women think and communicate.
Some talk about a man's need to "fix" things, find solutions,
to know the reason why things happen the way they do. You can use this
information when you work with fathers. Take the time to explain how
things may go awry and why babies sometimes refuse to nurse or have
a hard time latching on properly. Give an explanation of why the steps
that lead to proper positioning work the way they do. For example, you
might ask a father to turn his head to the side and swallow to illustrate
why a baby's whole body needs to face the mother's breast during nursing.
Involve him by teaching him how to check that baby's tongue is cupped
and visible when nursing after letting him know why this is important.
Fathers sometimes feel left
out when so much attention is given to the mother and baby after birth.
Suggest some ways for him to participate in caring for his baby while
you talk with him about the importance of bonding. Many fathers, like
many grandparents, feel that feeding is the ultimate way to show love
and caring. Let the father know that rocking, walking, bathing, dressing
and talking to baby are also ways to bond with and learn about his newborn.
Remind him that he can be helpful to his wife when she needs to do other
things or just needs a short break.
How Leaders Help
With information that
includes why things are done, encouragement to actively participate
in caring for baby and helping mother, and support for his efforts,
even some of the most skeptical or critical fathers become allies in
the breastfeeding experience. Yes, these same three words that describe
what we do for mothers apply to fathers, too.
Make it a point to let a
father know that we are available for questions or concerns that come
up in the future. You can also give him information about LLL meetings
for fathers or couples in the community, if available. With a resource
to contact, he'll know that he, as part of the breastfeeding family,
has a continued source of support if and when he needs one. With the
information and ideas the father has gleaned from you, he, in turn,
can be a source of support for his wife and a protector against dissenting
friends or family as she breastfeeds their baby.
There are times when working
with a father can be uncomfortable. Most of the time, explanations and
solutions that involve the father help diffuse any tension. At times
there may be a difference of opinion or a personality conflict. In that
case, you need to remain calm as well as clear about your job as a Leader.
The parents can be referred back to their health care provider if one
or both of them choose not to have you assist. As in all situations
in which we help, the parents must be the ones to choose what they feel
is right for themselves and their family.
LLL Leaders usually offer
mother-to-mother help. However, by including the father, we ultimately
give the nursing couple a greater chance for a satisfying breastfeeding
experience and increase breastfeeding knowledge in the whole of society.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:36 UTC 2007.
