Handling
an Emotionally Charged Meeting
Laura Cunningham
Orange County, CA, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 30 No. 2, March-April 1994, p. 24
"What started out as
an upbeat, information-filled meeting suddenly turned into disaster,"
sighed the Leader to her District Advisor. "We were holding Meeting
2 and had just begun to talk about birth preparations; two pregnant
mothers were there, and they were very interested in finding out about
other mothers' experiences and how to get breastfeeding off to a good
start. Just then, a newcomer to our Group began telling all about her
terrible birth experience. It seemed that everything had gone wrong
for her. To make matters worse, the baby had some medical problems that
may have been birth related. The more this mother talked, the more she
worked herself up and soon she was crying, overcome with the grief of
seeming to have failed at something that was important to her. We all
sympathized with her and wanted to support her, but she cast a pall
over the entire meeting, and the two pregnant mothers were really shaken.
The next day the same mother called me to apologize for getting so emotional.
She realized that her comments had upset some of the other mothers.
What do you think I could have done better?"
When such a difficult moment
happens during a meeting, we can all lose our poise and let the discussion
get out of control. We can't mentally prepare for every situation we
might encounter, but there are some key guidelines we can keep in mind
to help us when the difficult moment arises.
In this example, the mother
has chosen to talk about events and emotions that go way beyond the
scope of a typical La Leche League meeting. Her revelations are difficult
for the Group because she seems to need much more help in dealing with
her anger and grief than a Leader or the Group can provide. In addition,
her experiences arouse strong anxiety and sadness in the other mothers
that the Leader is unlikely to be able to relieve. Such an experience
may even discourage mothers from attending future meetings.
On the other hand, when someone
bares her soul, as this mother did, we feel her pain and truly want
to help. The first response to such a difficult moment, then, is to
show that you have heard and understood the mother. Using reflective
listening techniques, the Leader will communicate acceptance by restating
the mother's feelings: "I can see this has been a very painful
experience for you. And I think all of us support you in your efforts
to give your baby the very best through breastfeeding."
Sometimes when a mother feels
she has been heard and affirmed, she will not need to pursue the topic
further. However, the mother in this anecdote may not be so easily dissuaded.
In that case, the Leader needs to decide whether to allow the mother
to continue to talk about this experience. Stop and assess the Group
members present. Are there just a few mothers present, all of whom you
know well and who are confident, affirmative women? In that case, the
Leader may decide that letting this mother vent her emotions will not
cause undue anxiety or prevent anyone else from having her needs met.
But in most cases, and especially when newcomers or pregnant mothers
are present, the Leader would need to return the discussion to more
neutral ground before things get out of hand. Here are some things the
Leader could do:
1. Postpone discussing
the situation--"I wish we had more time to hear about your experiences.
When we break for refreshments, we may be able to brainstorm about
some resources that could help you." Then present a discussion
question unrelated to this mother's situation.
2. Give information--"There's
a book in our library that offers help for mothers whose birth experiences
are disappointing, and I have seen listings in the newspaper for support
groups related to that. After the meeting I can show you what I mean."
3. Share how you feel about
the situation--"I'm concerned that what you are telling us is
beyond the scope of La Leche League. I feel it would be unfair to
the Group not to address our topic about how to get breastfeeding
off to a good start."
The Leader can combine one
of these statements with a nonverbal demonstration of her concern and
caring such as touching the mother's arm or putting an arm around her.
And she could make it a point to affirm the positive things about the
mother and her baby: "Your baby is really positioned well."
"You seem to really be able to comfort your baby well." "Your
dedication to breastfeeding is really admirable."
Armed with reflective listening
skills and a few simple strategies to guide the discussion back on track,
the Leader can overcome the difficult moment and reach her Number one
goal--to help mothers successfully breastfeed.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:42 UTC 2007.
