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Spanking and the Potential
Leader Applicant
Anna Utter
Maryland
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 26 No. 3, May-June 1990, p. 43
You have your eye on a mother
in your Group. She seems to be a good candidate for leadership, but
you have doubts, especially when she says that she feels spanking or
hitting is an appropriate means of disciplining her child.
When considering such a mother
for leadership, it may be helpful to examine some of the reasons why
the issue of spanking arises so often.
- Lack of exposure to alternatives--Many
mothers were spanked as children and are following their parents' model.
They may spank because they don't know what else to do. Also, many women
attending La Leche League meetings have young babies and may not have
encountered many disciplinary challenges and, therefore, may have seen
little need to seek alternatives to spanking.
- Dangerous situations--Fear
for her child's well-being may prompt a mother to spank her child. She
may feel that spanking is the only way she can impress upon her child
the danger of his actions.
- Religious convictions--Some
mothers hold religious convictions about discipline that include a belief
in spanking as an effective and appropriate disciplinary method for
certain misbehaviors.
Regardless of a mother's
reasons for spanking, when we consider her for leadership, we need to
look at her entire relationship with her child, rather than isolated
incidents. LLL's concept on loving guidance reads: From infancy on,
children need loving guidance which reflects acceptance of their capabilities
and sensitivity to their feelings.
If you feel she has the potential
for leadership, instead of crossing her off your list of possibilities,
talk to her. Give her the chance to decide for herself if she would
be comfortable representing La Leche League philosophy.
Discuss the concepts. As
with any mother you think might be a good Leader, before she applies,
sit down with her and discuss the responsibilities of a La Leche League
Leader and LLL's philosophy. Be sure she understands it and would be
comfortable presenting it to mothers. When discussing the concepts,
be sure the potential Leader Applicant knows LLL's viewpoint on discipline.
Refer her to the loving guidance section of THE
WOMANLY ART and to the
policy statement on loving guidance (January-February 1987 LEAVEN,
p. 6).
Clear up any misconceptions
she may have by quoting or paraphrasing LLL philosophy as found in THE
WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING.
Throughout chapter fifteen, alternatives to spanking are suggested and
numerous references from other authors are quoted. Does she understand
that as a Leader she would be expected to refrain from offering spanking
as a suggestion to mothers? How does she feel about La Leche League's
views and expectations?
Ask her how she might answer
other mothers' questions. If the mother is seriously considering applying
for leadership, ask her how she would respond to a mother of two-year-old
who bites or the mother of an adventurous toddler who climbs and investigates
every nook and cranny of the house. Thinking about how she would help
another mother will help clarify and solidify her own beliefs.
Suggest reading books from
LLLI's Bibliography. If the mother would like to think more about this
issue, suggest she look into some of the books in the Group Library,
such as those that explain the developmental stages of children and
books that offer alternatives to spanking--How to Talk So Kids Will
Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Don't Shoot the Dog,
How to Really Love Your Child, and Loving Your Child Is Not
Enough.
Listen and give support.
If the mother has doubts, give her a chance to express her fears and
let her know that all mothers worry about these things. Give her and
other Group mothers the chance to talk about the ways they handle these
kinds of situations by making discipline the topic of an Evaluation
Meeting.
For mothers who lack exposure
to alternatives to spanking, clarifying LLL's viewpoint, offering suggestions
for ways to learn alternatives, and supporting them in their mothering
may be all they need to feel comfortable with LLL's philosophy of loving
guidance.
If the mother's view on spanking
stems from religious convictions, she may still have the potential to
make a fine Leader. As with any other mother, her compatibility with
LLL's loving guidance philosophy is considered on the basis of her overall
relationship with her child. For example, a mother who reserves the
right to spank may routinely use the approaches outlined in THE
WOMANLY ART and find that
rarely, if ever, does she actually exercise her right to spank. This
mother may actually spank her child less often than one who does not
believe in spanking but occasionally hits her child out of anger.
When discussing leadership
with this mother, keep the focus on LLL's philosophy of loving guidance
and La Leche League's expectations of its Leaders. The mother's religious
beliefs do not need to be discussed. In fact, it is best to avoid discussing
religion, because any disagreements will only cause antagonism. La Leche
League does not ask a mother to abandon her religious convictions when
she becomes a Leader. We do, however, ask her to represent LLL's philosophy
at League meetings and when helping mothers individually. Consider the
mother's feelings about spanking as an opportunity to present LLL's
view, our policy of not mixing causes, and our attitude of acceptance
of all mothers.
Occasionally mothers who
believe in spanking due to their religious convictions quote books other
than the Bible in defense of their viewpoint. This is a good time to
explain the purpose of our Group Bibliography (No. 460) of recommended
books. Point out that the books on this list which most fully reflect
our philosophy are those published by LLLI. THE
WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDlNG,
Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, LEARNING>
A LOVING
WAY OF LIFE, THE
FUSSY BABY, and the information
sheet, "Loving Guidance" (No. 127), are among those that give a mother
the clearest picture of LLL's philosophy of loving guidance.
Discussing these kinds of
concerns before a mother applies for leadership
can prevent disappointment and hurt feelings. If the mother decides
she cannot in good conscience represent LLL's views, she will reach
this decision before she has made an investment of time and money and
before her hopes have been raised. We as Leaders can let her know that
LLL members are not required to accept its philosophy and can encourage
her to become involved in the Group in other ways. Help her feel welcome
as the valued member she is. If after discussing LLL philosophy, the
mother decides she wants to pursue leadership, then she can go ahead,
and both of you can feel confident that she will feel at ease presenting
La Leche League's philosophy and there will be no surprises during her
application time.
If you have any questions
or concerns--either before or after a mother applies for leadership--please
get in touch with your Coordinator of Leader Applicants or her assistant.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:37 UTC 2007.
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