Leading Your
First Meeting: Tips for a Nervous Leader
Kathy Coatney
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 28 No. 6, November-December 1992, pp. 83-85
Tips for Leading That First
Meeting
Marianne de Sousa, a Leader
from Ontario, Canada, has these tips for leading your first meeting:
*Wear bright and cheery
clothing (something that makes you feel confident).
*Arrive early for set-up and to find your Leader's chair.
*Tell yourself that the mothers are there for LLL information and
to enjoy themselves.
*Smile, smile, smile.
*Be proud you represent LLL.
*Use positive phrases.
*Use eye contact and give mothers your undivided attention.
*Thank them for coming and sharing their experiences.
You've just been accredited
as a Leader and now your first meeting looms ahead of you. Butterflies
are fluttering in your stomach, and you're certain no other new Leader
has ever felt this nervous. Janet Jendron, South Carolina Leader and
member of LLLI's Board of Directors, writes, "I don't remember
the topic of my first meeting, but I remember preparing for hours and
being very nervous, even though I had taught school and done office
training sessions. This was different. My heart and soul were involved!"
Preparation during Application
You may think you aren't
ready to lead a meeting, but believe it or not you have been preparing
to lead since the first Group meeting you attended. Even though you
may not have been aware of it, every meeting you have attended has taught
you something about leading. Like your gradually increasing involvement
in the Group, it has been happening a little at a time all along.
While you were a Leader Applicant
you took the time to learn more about breastfeeding, and to observe
how the Leaders in your Group run the meetings. Meeting logistics vary
from Group to Group. Some Groups have one Leader, while other Groups
have several Leaders who share leading responsibilities. When there
is more than one Leader, there are several ways to co-lead. One Leader
may lead the entire discussion while co-Leaders help by discouraging
side conversations, bringing the meeting back on track, reminding the
Leader of a point missed, contributing to the discussion and watching
for mothers trying to make a point
Another approach is to divide
the meeting into parts, with each Leader leading one part. This approach
gives Leaders a chance to sit back and enjoy part of every meeting without
the pressure of leading the entire discussion, and it gives the mothers
a chance to get to know more than one Leader. Co-leading makes leading
easier, especially if you have a toddler in tow. It allows other Leaders
to take over the meeting so that you can meet the needs of your little
one.
If your Group is part of
an active Chapter you can practice your first meeting by co-leading
Chapter meetings with the Chapter Leader. This is a great way to begin.
Your audience already loves you and understands that you're nervous.
Other Leaders can help you along and make you feel more comfortable.
You can also work with Leaders
on enrichment topics for your Chapter or Evaluation meetings. Coordinating
enrichment gives you experience in planning a meeting. You can talk
with other Leaders in the Chapter or mothers in the Group to find out
their needs (developing your listening skills) and offer a series of
topics for the next several meetings. If you haven't been asked to help
with enrichment, volunteer. Your Leaders probably haven't thought of
it and will appreciate the offer.
Role-playing with a Leader
or at a Chapter meeting is another great way to practice your first
meeting. Think of difficult questions that may come up at meetings and
ask Leaders for the most bizarre questions they've ever been asked.
Then have Leaders ask you these questions and practice answering them.
Another idea is to have a mock meeting with the Leaders taking roles
as new and repeat mothers. This gives you the chance to prepare and
lead a meeting as well as being a great confidence builder!
Another resource is Human
Relations Enrichment (HRE) sessions, where communication skills are
presented and Leaders and Leader Applicants practice them. These skills--which
are useful when leading meetings as well as during phone helping--are
available at many Area Conferences and through local HRE instructors.
Visiting a neighboring Group
gives you an opportunity to see how different Leaders work together
and use different styles of leading. If you are particularly nervous
about leading in your Group you may want to consider this idea. New
Zealand Leader Jenni Gibbens says, "Although confident of my ability,
I felt scared at the prospect of doing my first meeting in front of
all the familiar faces of our LLL Group--I was concerned that the members
might be critical, and of course, they would be very aware that it was
my first meeting." Jenni's solution was to lead her first meeting
with a nearby Group where no one knew her or her inexperience. This
built her confidence and she decided to lead the entire next series
for her Group.
Observation can be one of
your best learning tools. Watch how Leaders respond to questions, initiate
discussions, and handle conflicts during the meeting. Also watch to
see how the mothers respond. Learn to read their body language. Do they
feel comfortable and freely express their ideas, or do they seem reserved
and hesitant about what is being presented? How do the Leaders help
mothers feel comfortable? Just as our children learn by our example,
you can learn by watching your Group Leaders.
Preparing for Your First
Meeting
The big day is coming closer.
You need to know the nuts and bolts of putting a meeting together. Two
excellent resources are at your fingertips-Chapter 3 of THE
NEW LEADER'S
HANDBOOK, "Planning and Leading Series Meetings,"
and your co-Leaders. If you are co-leading, set aside time to get together
with the other Leader(s) before the meeting. If you are going solo,
ask another Leader if she will help you plan the meeting.
First decide on the format
you will be using. Some options are listed on pp. 37-40 of THE NEW LEADER'S
HANDBOOK.
Also, see "Comparing Series Meeting Formats" in the May-June
1990 LEAVEN.
Next decide on a focus for
your meeting. To determine a focus, think about who will be attending
and plan the meeting according to their needs. The needs of new mothers
should always be the primary consideration.
Next it's time to think about
your introductory remarks. Start by introducing yourself and your co-Leaders,
which leads nicely to telling about LLL and its history. From there
give a brief history of your Group, and then introduce the Group workers
(either you or the Treasurer can explain dues), then provide the location
of the toilet and play areas. It is also a good idea to caution against
side conversations and to give a qualifying statement such as:
"La Leche League is
interested in encouraging you in your own mothering experience. Some
of the ideas you hear or the things that you see may be surprising.
We ask that you take what seems right for you and leave the rest."
For more information on qualifying
statements see p. 47 of THE NEW LEADER'S HANDBOOK.
Now it's time to start the introductions. Start by introducing yourself
and your children, then have each mother do the same. Lori Campbell,
an Ohio Leader, found that doing the introductions can be a great way
to slowly break into leading. Lori chose to limit herself to introductions
at her first meeting and feels that it helped build her confidence and
eased her "gradually with love" into leading.
Now it's time to begin the
meeting. Start by announcing the meeting topic, and then move on to
the focus of the meeting.
Ana McDonald, a Leader from
Texas, shares her story. The day she sent off her Letter of Commitment,
Ana started planning her first meeting. Before the meeting she called
some of her friends and asked them to come. While chatting with her
friends on the phone she learned their concerns and formulated discussion
questions to address them. These turned out to be the most enthusiastically
discussed issues. Ana says she went to her first meeting with prepared
discussion questions for pregnant mothers, new mothers, experienced
mothers, and a couple of questions appropriate for everyone. She typed
up the points she wanted to cover in the introduction, the body of the
meeting, closing announcements, and concluding statement--then she highlighted
the most important points. She also brought THE WOMANLY ART OF
BREASTEEEDING and other reference books for tricky questions.
Ana says, "Remember you are going to the same meeting you've been
going to for years, and you are among the same friends you've been with
for years. Your role is slightly different, but everything else is the
same. You are still sharing with friends, only in a new way."
Meeting Challenges
Large, noisy meetings can
be difficult for the seasoned Leader, but may be terrifying at a first
meeting. If you have a co-Leader, consider splitting into two Groups.
Then rejoin and report to the large Group.
If the Group is unexpectedly
large try enlisting the help of your regularly attending mothers. Seating
can be arranged so that mothers with babies are on the floor and mothers
with toddlers are behind them so they can easily check on their children.
Group workers can make sure that newcomers find the library and talk
to them to make them feel comfortable.
Large meetings usually mean
lots of toddlers, so eliminate noisy toys. Keep the meeting short--about
an hour--or take a break in the middle for snacks and drinks. Some Groups
arrange to have a mother or teenage helper provide the toddlers with
focused attention in a separate room. Remember to praise the mothers
for the great job they are doing with their children.
Small meetings tend to be
cozier. Indiana Leader Christine Bauman believes that flexibility is
the key to making small meetings work. Her first meeting consisted of
Leaders only, and since she was hosting the meeting, they turned it
into a Leaders' meeting. Sitting at the kitchen table gives a small
meeting a homey feel. Another option is to hold it in the playroom so
that mothers can supervise their toddlers while listening to the meeting.
It's a good idea to have lots of prepared questions, refer to the library,
and keep the meeting less structured than larger meetings would be.
Side conversations can be
annoying and make it difficult to concentrate on the meeting. It may
help if at the beginning of the meeting, the Leader explains to the
group that while they are there to share breastfeeding ideas, it's easier
for everyone to share and hear if each mother takes her turn one at
a time. However, sometimes a general statement isn't enough; you may
need to use another technique. Oklahoma Leader Deanne Betram used this
technique with a mother who had been carrying on an extensive side conversation
during her first meeting. "After the meeting I talked with the
mother. I told her I overheard some of the conversation she was having
with the mother next to her. I told her that some of the things she
said were wonderful! It is so helpful sharing experiences with all the
mothers during the meeting." Deanne says the mother smiled a great
big smile. She had no more problems with side conversations, and this
mother went on to become a Leader.
Every Leader gets her share
of difficult questions, but most of us hope they don't come up at our
first meeting. Mothers may express strong feelings, doubts, and disagreements
about League philosophy. How we phrase our responses can make a difference.
"Many mothers have found...," "Some babies...,"
"THE WOMANLY ART
OF BREASTFEEDING suggests..." are
ways of sharing information and League philosophy without making a mother
feel judged. Our job is to provide an environment that allows mothers
to consider League information and philosophy with an open mind.
Questions--whether difficult
or simple--can sometimes make a Leader's mind go blank. This has happened
to us all. Leader Sue Atkinson from Quebec, Canada, says, "Don't
worry about 'freezing.' Be as prepared as possible--have something you
can fall back on that takes the attention and pressure off you. For
example, co-Leaders can fill in and get things going if you really get
nervous." If you're leading alone, you can just say that your mind
has gone blank and you will look up the information after the meeting.
This tells the mother that you aren't avoiding her question and will
find the answer for her. Don't be afraid to say "I don't know."
If your mind blanks out during the discussion, just move on to the next
topic and come back later when you remember what point you were trying
to make.
If a discussion question
is met with silence, this isn't always a negative sign. Silence allows
mothers time to think about the question or to digest the information
they have just heard. Before delivering the question, prepare the mothers
by telling them to take a moment to think of an answer. Prepare for
silence during the discussion by having several questions ready to get
the momentum of the meeting going again. Write in your notes the names
of Group mothers who are willing to share stories related to the meeting
points (ask their permission before the meeting), and call on them when
needed to fill silent pauses. If silence continues, ask the mothers
what it means. They may be confused by the question, afraid to answer
for fear of feeling foolish, or they may need more background information
in order to respond. You may even want to say "It's risky to be
the first to respond" to help mothers relax and get the meeting
moving.
A shaky start can increase
your nervousness. To take the pressure off, Ana McDonald advises first
time Leaders not to set themselves up as experts. A Leader's role is
to enable the Group mothers to learn from one another. Even if everything
coming out of your mouth is stammered or stuttered, don't worry. Take
a deep breath and begin again. Start a new topic. Lean on your co-Leader
or Group mothers. Let them carry the meeting while you catch your breath.
Look around the circle and remember that they are your friends. When
one topic is covered, it's time to touch on a new one. Off you go again,
and this time the words flow. Like learning to ride a bike, practice
is necessary but sooner or later the new skill is learned.
What if you find out at the
last minute that your co-Leader won't be able to make the meeting? Leader
Cynthia Hamilton from Ontario, Canada, led her first meeting solo with
her toddler in tow. She had to leave the circle several times to check
on her child, and when she returned she told the Group, "These
are the things I hope you've covered...." She found this way she
could keep up with what was going on while she was gone without stopping
the momentum and still keep the meeting on track. Your core Group of
workers can be especially helpful in these cases. Enlist their help
in keeping track of your toddler. One Leader remembers leading the entire
meeting while walking back and forth holding her toddler's hand. Most
of all keep your sense of humor. New York Leader Shelly Leal points
out that the best prepared meetings can go wrong even for seasoned Leaders.
Every Leader wishes she could
change certain things about her meetings. Keep in mind there is always
a next time to do it differently. Don't dwell on the negative. This
is the time to congratulate yourself. You did it--you've led your first
meeting! Even if everything went wrong, look for the humor in it. One
Illinois Leader remembers this story:
My co-Leaders and I always
prepare for Series Meetings by getting together a week before the meeting
to plan the discussion. But as we found, it's not always possible to
plan for everything.
One meeting night there was
a big thunderstorm headed for our area, but by meeting time it had not
yet arrived, so we decided to hold the meeting as planned. I opened
the meeting and led the first part of the discussion on getting breastfeeding
off to a good start. The babies and toddlers were active and loud, but
the discussion flowed smoothly.
My co-Leader, Julie, began
the second part of the meeting. She delivered the discussion question
and the mothers had just begun to answer when a huge lightning bolt
hit nearby, the power went out and our meeting room went dark. Even
though our building had an emergency generator, the lights only had
enough power to light the exits so we couldn't see each other or the
children.
I began to panic, but Julie
was unruffled. She calmly suggested that the mothers stay in their seats
and take their children into their laps. Almost immediately the babies
and toddlers calmed down and the room grew silent. Julie then suggested
that we continue the meeting, so she asked her question again and the
mothers began responding.
Aside from the darkness,
the meeting proceeded as usual. When the discussion ended, the power
was still off, even though the storm had abated. As Julie closed the
meeting, she asked if any of the mothers had flashlights in their cars.
Several did and brought them in. The flashlights didn't provide a lot
of light, but we used them at the refreshment table, to find and check
out library books, to look through our information sheets, and to walk
mothers to their cars.
We still laugh about that
meeting and marvel, because even in the dark, more library books were
borrowed than usual. And at Chapter Meetings, when Leaders ask for ideas
on keeping down the noise level at meetings, we share our unusual approach.
Take a Bow
It's a good idea to have
a definite ending to the meeting. You want the mothers to leave with
a good feeling. Summarize key points of the discussion, make any necessary
reminders, thank the mothers for coming, direct them to the Librarian
and Treasurer (add a quick reminder about dues), and invite them to
stay for socializing and refreshments. Look for all the positive things
that happened in your meeting. Write them down. Remember the mother
who shared how much she enjoyed the meeting and how appreciative she
was.
Every Leader develops her
own meeting style. It takes time and practice, but remember just as
a baby falls in love with his mother, your mothers will learn to love
you and your style of leading. You're knowledgeable, prepared, caring,
and now it's curtain time--time to begin your first meeting. Picture
yourself sitting with your friends sharing your love of breastfeeding.
You're ready--go for it!
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:08 UTC 2007.
